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Sunday, 04 May 2008

change my outside with good intentions

so finals week finally is upon me. i have tomorrow off to study, which will help a lot. and i will have 3 finals on tuesday, one on wednesday and one on thursday. i have a good portion of the week off from work since i will be under a lot of stress, and my manager was kind enough to help me out. i'm not too concerned, except i need to finish my ethics paper by tuesday. i am not so good at writing for ethics, but ill do my best.

i'm getting a new tattoo! i have 3 outlined stars on my lower back (not a tramp stamp) that i got when i was 18. i will be getting an owl on my shoulder in memoriam of my grandmother, who will have passed 7 years ago on tuesday. it's going to be a beautiful experience because i've been wanting this tattoo since she passed but i was too young and my mom suggested it was a bit too much for my first one, which i agreed with. now i finally have the money and the appointment so i cannot wait!

as for today i have a few errands to run and i also have studying and a lot of laundry to do. i'm sad because Beyond Daylight has a show next sunday and i'll be at work for the whole evening. they understand i cant be there but i'd love to support my boys.

once again thanks for reading!<3

Wednesday, 30 April 2008

humility and school go hand in hand.

i find myself growing more and more humble in the eyes of others lately. It creates such a hit to your heart that you wouldn't believe how humbling yourself to others will make you feel.
Example: I have friends in a band called Beyond Daylight [give them a listen, they're fantastic] and the bass player is a previous ex-boyfriend. We didn't end on the best of terms but I've forgiven him for cheating and whatnot so I find it easy to get along with him. Well he had an ex-girlfriend and he name was Katie. She despised me. I mean, wanted to fight me everyday despised me. Only because I dated him after they broke up. Which was pointless, I had no reason to dislike her except for the fact that she had talked a lot of trash. Well supposedly, Katie and Derek [my ex] have been hanging out again, which I find no problem with. Except for the fact that I'm usually at band practices and such and I guess she is starting to attend. I hate confrontation so I wasn't too happy, so I haven't gone to the last few practices. My friend Jacob put a picture of me as his background, as a joke. And she noticed it was me, and made a comment to him, "Is that Emily??" and Jacob, bless him said "Yeah and if you have a problem with that there's the door". Now according to Jacob, she wants to hang out with me and take me to get my belly button pierced? (i'm not sure why either). But it's unreal that someone who disliked me is trying to get a better attitude towards me, and I'm grateful because I'm humble by this. It makes me feel like I'm growing up in a way, and it's a good feeling.

other than that, I'm counting down the days (and papers) until summer. It's two weeks away and I've been busting my ass with everything I have due. I'm not even stressed, just busy. It's a good feeling accomplishing things. I really love doing well in school and I just hope it pays off.
May 8th & I'm free

thanks for reading!

Thursday, 24 April 2008

i will follow you into the dark.

I always promise myself I'm going to work hard and not fuck up this semester. Well now finals week is looming down and I feel more stressed than I did the entire semester. Studying is going to be big when I get the material to study. I just hope I don't let myself down again.
I have a bit of a large story. I met a guy 3 years ago, his name was Tanner. He and I were best friends and closer than most. We developed feelings for eachother after a year, and began to date. It was a good relationship, great in fact in the beginning. Yet further down the road, the more paniced I became. He was very immature. I mean, the boy bought pokemon cards and embarrassed me by acting like a kid on purpose, he was 17. Yeah, that's another thing he was 3 years younger than I was. It mattered to everyone else but us. I bit my tounge for a long time, in a way I let him walk all over me. Then a point came when I was only happy when we were together. When we were apart I sank into depression and was constantly sad. It was bad for me. I wasn't my own person anymore. I knew he wasn't either. We both put so much into the relationship that we lost sight of how fun we used to be. So one friday after an epiphony, I broke up with him. It was hard walking away from something that you devoted over a year and a half of your life to, but it had to be done. We cried, we fought, we cried some more. It was ugly. We vowed to still be friends and it was working out. Then we tried to hang out and just developed a feeling of need for each other and went back to our old ways. I cried after because he wasn't talking. I cried. I'm such a girl.
The whole reason I'm telling this story is because yesterday he told me he doesnt want this to feel so bad. He says we should barely talk now, because when we aren't together he's miserable. The only thing I could do is tell him I understand, cause I do. I just feel like it's because he wants to date other people, which I'm ok with mind you, but he just won't admit it. He's very good looking, still is. He could get with a lot of girls but the thought makes me sick. Of course it's going to hurt but I want him to be happy and if that will make him happy then so be it. I'd take the sinking feeling in my stomach any day to see him smile like he used to. I sort of wish that smile was with me, but it is my own fault and I'll take what I delt myself. I know God will get me through this. I know deep in my heart I can't be in a relationship right now. I'm not strong enough. I will be though.

thanks for reading.

Tuesday, 22 April 2008

it all starts with a blog

So the real reason I'm starting a blog is because it's annoying having something to say and no one to listen. That doesn't mean anyone here will listen but it shouldn't matter anyway. I'll always feel better when I write.
I'm 20 years old, I will be the big 21 in October. I am short and I have brown hair/eyes. I'm quiet and thoughtful. I have a beagle whom I adore and friends who make my world go round. I used to play soccer, then I went to college. I love God and I work at Hot Topic. Dunkin Doughtnuts Coffee gets me through the day and I cannot pinpoint my favorite food for the life of me. I am an English major with a minor in Art. I'm creative and random, maybe that's evident with my little introduction there.
I'm not meant to share my personal information, so I kept it breif and broad for the most part. I'll use names you've never heard of before to describe my life situations, in hopes I can get some outside point of views. I'm always kind enough to comment back, even if it's just to say thank you. If you're still reading; *virtual high five*. I'm enjoying my coffee this morning, it's awfully delicious. My dog is huddled under the covers like she usualy does every morning. She's lazier than I am most of the time. I try to be positive through out the day because being sad, mad and negative got me no where. I was only digging myself deeper into what I was feeling. I'm changing my out look on everything, including my beliefs and views. It all starts with a blog. This very blog.

come back again, I'll look forward to it :)
Hi everyone! I'm just getting started on Xanga...this is really just so i can vent a little and have others read it. You don't have to of course but it would be nice :]